But seriously, folks...

I'm the worst blogger on the face of the earth. It's been 9 months since I last posted and SO much has happened since then! Soren will be 1 next month, Seth is almost 3 & 1/2, Jon turned 30 last month, we celebrated 7 years of marriage in December. So, rather than trying to catch up on everything I'll just resolve to be more consistent in the future (hopefully...this sounds very familiar. Haha)

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Isolation

Recently I've been feeling especially isolated. I'm essentially stranded at our house (or at least within reasonable walking distance) with the 2 kids all day. Again, I'm reminded of how different the lifestyle is here compared to Chicago. There, I'd be able to walk to meet up with friends or go to the grocery. Here, life just doesn't function without a car. I'm thankful for the car we do have and that our home is comfortable and a good place to be with my children. I partially blame myself for my isolation because I haven't reached out to anyone about it. But I also feel like there's a breakdown of what our community should look like because most people here don't even think about someone not having (or having access to) a car.  Not that having another car would make life perfect, but it sure would help break the monotony and help me and the kiddos get to spend more time with other people.  I guess it's my sinful pride that keeps me from asking people to come to us. I don't want to be the needy, overdramatic, whiny stay at home mom that expects people to drop all that they've got going on to come rescue me from loneliness and seclusion. That said, I am needy. And overdramatic. And sometimes whiny about it. I'm not sure how to end this, so, The End. 

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Still Pregnant

On Wednesday, I'll be 37 weeks & full term! With my first pregnancy, my water broke at 37 weeks and 2 days and Seth was born at 37 + 3.  This time, my doc is planning on inducing at 39 weeks (on or around August 14) if Soren hasn't come by then on her own.  As most pregnant women do, I'm feeling WAY more emotions at once than any one human should be able to! I am excited to meet our little girl. I am apprehensive about our impending lack of sleep and the effect that will have on my parenting ability to a headstrong toddler. I am worried about how Seth is going to handle the arrival of his baby sister.  And to top it all off, I'm exhausted and uncomfortable most of the time.  I'm not writing this to complain, just to be able to remember this later down the road.  I thank God for the blessing of this new life and this pregnancy and I am in continual prayer for our family and the relationships we will continue to build.  I pray that our family can be on gospel mission in our community and that, rather than worrying about our incapabilities, we will rely on God's perfect ability and sovereignty.

Baby Soren

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Prayer

Last Sunday at our Porterbrook Cohort meeting (there's a whole explanation for that, but I won't go into it here) we were supposed to choose an area of our lives that we wanted to see real gospel change in this trimester.  I chose prayer.  Recently I had been feeling unmotivated to pray and when I did pray, I was super-easily distracted by anything and everything else.  After sharing this with the 4 other members of my cohort, they started to dig into me about why this might be happening.  They asked what I thought was preventing me from wanting to spend time with God in prayer.  I said that I wasn't sure and we all agreed to be praying about it in the coming week.  (Kinda funny, praying for God to tell me why I'm not praying.)  Anyway, after that conversation, I began to pray at least once daily for the Spirit to move and really let me know where I may be sinning or not trusting Him.  As the next few days rolled on, I found it easier to pray this prayer and found myself wanting more and more to just understand my sin and fight it!  Today, I put Seth down for his nap and then hopped in the shower.  I prayed again for the Spirit to reveal my sin so that I could repent of it and rejoice in God's finished work to save me.  I finished praying and was about to get out of the shower when all of a sudden, it hit me:  I am absolutely terrified about becoming a mother of two.  I am so afraid of the changes that this will bring in our family.  In all of my relationships (especially with Jon & Seth.)  I have been so blind to this truth that was obviously negatively impacting my prayer-life.  The one thing I most needed to be praying about was hindering me from talking with God at all.  I was believing the lie that this was all for me to handle.  I would just have to deal with it and make the best of things and persevere on my own will and strength.  THIS IS FALSE! There is NO WAYthat I'm going to be able to get through this crushing fear and the months and years ahead without God's grace and mercy and sovereignty.  I am so thankful to be where we are right now and to have friends that love us (and God) enough to want to help us fight our sin and who will fight right alongside us.  I know that this will be a continual struggle for me and I am grateful that I am now able to identify it (praise God!) and go to Him with my worries and fears and sin.  I know that my relationships will change, but I also know that God is big and loving.  He knows me and He knows my sin, but he sees me as His redeemed daughter.  It is God who accomplishes the work from first to last.   

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Satisfied in You (Psalm 42)

I have lost my appetite 
And a flood is welling up behind my eyes 
So I eat the tears I cry 
And if that were not enough 
They know just the words to cut and tear and prod 
When they ask me “Whereʼs your God?” 

Why are you downcast, oh my soul? 
Why so disturbed within me? 
I can remember when you showed your face to me 

As a deer pants for water, so my soul thirsts for you 
And when I survey Your splendor, You so faithfully renew 
Like a bed of rest for my fainting flesh 

When Iʼm looking at the ground 
Itʼs an inbred feedback loop that drags me down 
So itʼs time to lift my brow 
And remember better days 
When I loved to worship you and learn your ways 
Singing sweetest songs of praise 

Let my sighs give way to songs that sing about your faithfulness 
Let my pain reveal your glory as my only real rest 
Let my losses show me all I truly have is you 

So when Iʼm drowning out at sea 
And all your breakers and your waves crash down on me 
Iʼll recall your safety scheme 
Youʼre the one who made the waves 
And your Son went out to suffer in my place 
And to show me that Iʼm safe 

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Christmas Printable

I made this little chalkboard look Christmas printable of Isaiah 9:6 this morning after seeing one on Pinterest, but not wanting to pay to download it! So, here it is for all to enjoy... (I also have it as a PDF in a larger size if you'd like, just couldn't figure out how to attach it to this post.)

-Clair

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This kid

This kid is funny.
This kid has a huge, interesting personality.
This kid is silly.
This kid loves his Rhino.
This kid throws tantrums.
This kid is crazy about Elmo & Yo Gabba Gabba.
This kid likes to dance.
This kid gives the best hugs.
This kid helps Mama with chores.
This kid is easily frustrated.
This kid is smart.
This kid loves books.
This big kid is my little baby and he is so loved.

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